Because it depicts the love we deserve. Not that struggle love. Or that perpetually sacrificial love. Look up one day and all your dreams are gone but maybe you still got love and that’s supposed to be enough love. It ain’t enough and most times...
Before I start, lemme preface this by saying I’m still high off watching Yvonne Orji’s comedy special “Momma I Made It,” so maybe I’m conflating Molly and Yvonne and feeling all warm and fuzzy when I shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s the gewürztraminer. Because the last...
“Well at least I ain’t no Black woman.” That’s pretty much what I heard from every man on the Power finale. And it seems to be the only thing you have to avoid being in order to still be considered a morally upstanding motherfucker. For...
It’s me. I’m a Black girl who done searched for love and detoured at self-destruction. A few times. I didn’t expect to reflect on that this holiday season but the universe has a way of doing what it wants to do. Because the universe ain’t...
“I mean things have happened but I’m ok. They didn’t impact me that bad.” Gemini therapist looked like I had gotten on her last gaht damn nerve. The reserve nerve. Next thing I know I’m sitting on a kiddie chair in a room full of...
Not long ago I described what I wanted in love. Not unlike Queen & Slim both did in the film. Here is what I said… I want love I just call “Love” because no other name fits. I want Love to reach for my hand...
I’ve been blogging for 12 years. I started with a mission of impacting one woman. Just one. I’ve recently come to understand that the one woman I need to impact right now is me. So I’m taking a self-care break. Removing obligations I’ve placed on...
Word on the street is that (cishet) men want in on #HotGirlSummer. And even though the term is gender neutral, they don’t want to participate the way you might think. Instead, they’ve made it clear that they really shoulda just sat there and ate they...
Something wasn’t right but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Not even after I found myself curled into a ball on a bed I’d barely left for 4 days, uncontrollably crying after not eating a full meal for two weeks and alternating between insomnia...
“I didn’t do it because my feet itch.” That’s how my uncle Donald used to tell us he had a logical reason for doing something. The exchange usually began with my aunt Ernestine saying, “Well Donald why did you do that?” And he’d respond that...
First of all, spoilers. Because this is a review of sorts. Where I’m talking about the movie. So spoilers. Get out now if you don’t want to know what happens. Third of all, I ain’t finna fight with none of the Marvel comic purists about...
As teased in the promo, Mary Jane gets married in the finale. And since having a baby and getting married were the things she has wanted to do the whole show, this is a happy ending for her. Now I’d have made a different decision...
I came to the GoT party late. And I have paid dearly for it. First of all, I started watching for a man. I had zero interest in the show but I had more than zero interest in hanging out with said man. And he...
“My momma said to ask you if she can have some sugar?” And then I’d stand there with my cup in hand and wait for my auntie Thomasine to tilt her head and gaze at me like I was the reason my momma didn’t have...
But for the ancestors looking out for me, I’d probably have a few restraining orders filed against me too. All of them would have been filed by the man who beat me for 6 years. There is the time I cut up his clothes. The...
My cousin won a Grammy y’all. Made history when she became the first solo female rapper to win the Best Rap Album category. So it’s only right that I let y’all in on a few more life lessons we’ve learned the during the rise of...
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” ~Audre Lorde After the premiere of Surviving R. Kelly, some folks are asking how R. Kelly has been allowed to terrorize Black girls and women for decades. You...
You probably thinking, first of all sis, that video dropped almost 2 weeks ago. You been owed us a post. I needed to sit with it. You can’t rush the process. It ain’t about being the first to talk about something even if everybody already...
A woman who cuts her hair is about to change the world. Or get rid of her man. Cutting our hair often signals a major change. We cut to big chop. We cut because of grief. We cut in anger. We cut in growing pain....
I suppose I should start from the beginning. Imagine it’s a little odd to start at nothing but that’s all I got. Mostly what he left me anyway. So here we are, talking about a whole bunch of nothing. Talking about Him. Truth is I...
A story about pregnancy, reproductive health, single motherhood, and teen pregnancy.
Winter, 1965 Seemed like there was a river of blood. But since it was just her in the bathtub in the bathroom, the source had to be her alone. Maybe for the better. In the current of red it was harder to see whether everything...
It happens every time Beyoncé drops an album. Or a video. Or sneezes. Whenever she makes a move, folks want to remind us that her movement don’t fix racism, sexism or bring about world peace. The interweb is filled with cries of, “I mean doing...
I don’t know how many gaht damn times we got to tell folks. We ain’t settling for center adjacent. Beyonce reminded y’all when she literally took center stage and shut Coachella down with the Blackest performance they ever did see. When my knee get right,...
I don’t know how many beds I’ve slept in neither. I do know I attended 13 schools before 8th grade. But I was grown before I realized I spent most of my childhood homeless. Guess it registered a little when we stayed in shelters a...
First of all, I wanna have a whole baby so I can name her Okoye. Which is fitting because it would be immaculate conception and Okoye is heavenly. Third of all…Okoye. Now that we’ve established my favorite Wakandan, let’s get to the love letter. I...
Reasons I’m here for SZA’s The Weekend video directed by Solange. 1) A Black girl is centered for 4 minutes and 9 seconds. Just her. 2) SZA teaching and preaching with the dancing. Y’all know how I feel about dancing as a means to positive...
So dig this, sis. I took some workout progress pics this weekend. And they made me miserable. Because I couldn’t see the changes. Sure, there were some obvious differences, my legs are more toned, abdomen smaller…but I wanted more muscles. Where was my definition? Never...
I had a first reaction similar to many on the TIME person of the year piece….I was like, “Taylor? Why she front and center?” Okay, literally she was off center but figuratively she stay centered. Like whiteness. And as always, my mind went to those...
Black girl Sister Queen Black Friend Mammy Object of my desire Tell me who hurt you Unless it was me Or someone who looks like me In that case Then you need the facts And you should let the courts decide Because the courts never...
First of all, Tessa Thompson is a badass. Third of all, before you start crying about spoilers, ain’t none. Because there is a way to reflect on something without giving away the details. I’m talking to all of you Queen Sugar spoilers out there. At...
So I started watching the most recent season of MasterChef and got to witness the #BlackGirlMagic of both Yachecia and Eboni (Southside). MasterChef and two Black women to root for? Binging. Anyway, at some point Yachecia was the captain of a team that lost a...
R. Kelly is a rapist. But you know that. Thing is, you often don’t even dispute it. You just counter by pointing out that white male celebrities have raped women too. As if there should be equal opportunity to rape. Because the only thing I...
Seems I have a bit in common with TV’s latest hated women. Not Olivia Pope, although I do work in D.C. and will sport a mean coat. Mary Jane neither because ain’t no way I’m ever moving to New York. I’m talking about the Tashas....
So all during the episode I was preparing a whole ‘nother blog post. I was gon’ talk about how Molly is going to let comparison be the death of the relationship she ain’t even had yet. I was gon talk about Molly and Issa switching...
It’s hard to let it go because you’re attached to it but maybe you’re just comfortable with it because you’re scared to try something new. And maybe you keep it because it let you hide a few things you don’t like about yourself. So you...
By now you should know that I love all things Cardi B. Belcalis Almanzar is my play cousin. Last year, I wrote that 2016 was the year of Cardi B but it appears I spoke too soon. To be fair, I did tell y’all that...
If you’re an 80s baby (or late 70’s), chances are you grew up watching The Cosby Show. And if you’re a Black girl, chances are that Rudy Huxtable was your real life cousin in your head. She was a Black girl just like us. And...
She knows. Ze knows. She doesn’t know. They know. He doesn’t know. That’s the thing I do on mornings like these. I look at faces. And wonder if they know. Our eyes meet and I can always tell if they’re carrying the weight too. Those...
It’s been a long time, shouldn’t have left you… Look, I been broke lately. Not as in pockets but spirit. But if you need to borrow money, then just pretend I said pockets. This thang (whole damn world) been getting to me for a while....
I asked my 3 children if they could each name a Black female superhero. They responded; “Storm” “Angel Salvadore” “Rosa Parks” Curious as to my youngest son’s answer, I probed him further. “Why is Rosa Parks a superhero?” “Because she helped her people.” More often...
There are two things I never discuss here (or in any social media space)— my life as it relates to finance and romance. As far as the interweb in concerned, I’m broke and can’t keep a man. Thankfully, The Year of The Black Girl (2016-...
Listen *insert Black girl hand clap* Today Solange Knowles dropped A Seat At The Table An album So Black So woman So beautiful So brutal So painful So comforting So broken So whole All at the same damn time. And much like her sister’s masterpiece...
When I first heard about the National Museum of African American History and Culture (NMAAHC), I was concerned that like too many other spaces, Black women would be marginalized. Relegated to a few mentions, artifacts and a placard about Rosa Parks. But Oprah and Ava....
So y’all know I’ve been buying lots of lipstick lately. While it began as a form of self-care to process police brutality, it turned into me discovering the fun of makeup. Like most things in the lives of Black girls and women, the notion of beauty...
Nate Parker’s most recent response to the rape charges he faced 17 years ago was viewed by some as redemptive and by others as an attempt at damage control. I fall into the latter category. Quite simply, Nate’s response in Ebony came off as contrived,...
I have one job. To write us to, and through, the revolution. And while I’m able to serve in a few other capacities, my primary role has always been clear to me. These days I’m failing miserably. Because Black folks are dying and I just...
Auntie, I know you’ll probably think this is the most blasphemous thing I’ve ever written but the fact is that I met God the other day. She actually does wear an afro. Turns out sometimes she wears a blonde weave. And probably does a mean duck...
If I mention The Color Purple and you don’t know what I’m talking about, I question everything about you. Like your very existence. Alice’s Walker’s seminal text, The Color Purple is like playing spades and the electric slide— if you show up at the Black family reunion, you better...
Yesterday bell hooks dropped her critique of Lemonade/all things Beyoncé. Spoiler alert– bell still feels the same about Beyoncé. And it still reads violently. And it still hurts to watch. Be not deceived, couched in a lengthy word count and what appear to be concessions...
Much like the iTunes top 10 (and Tidal top 20), I ain’t seen nor heard nothing but Lemonade and Prince all week. Because by now you know that Bey dropped one of the best videos/albums ever. *in my Kanye interrupting Taylor Swift voice* A bit...
On more than one occasion, I’ve had conversations with folks who say that Black women put up walls to keep people out and keep emotions in. Silly humans. We don’t put up walls. We build entire whole damn houses up around us. Mansions. People, thoughts,...
I was watching the Love and Hip Hop reunion last week and something occurred to me. Somewhere between Olivia Pope and Amina Pankey by way of Mary Jane Paul and K Michelle, Black women are having, and talking about, abortions on TV. Round about last...
“But wait, how is that your sister if her mother is your aunt?” See the way my family tree is set up… If you’re Black and living in the US, you’ve likely had to answer this question from a non-Black person who is clearly very...
Rewind “You bet not come home without a pack of cigarettes.” I was about 14 when my auntie Ernestine uttered those words as I was leaving the family compound on the Southside of Chicago. I didn’t really understand what she meant at first (family say...
By now you’ve probably heard that 2016 is the year of the Black girl. But even if you haven’t heard, you’ve been seeing it everywhere. It’s possible a lot of people don’t recognize it because sometimes Black girl wins don’t look familiar to most folks....
You might know that I love me some A Different World. If we’re friends or you read my last blog post you may have gathered that Whitley Gilbert is my real life cousin in my head and possibly inspired my bedroom decor. Of course by...
If you grew up in the late 80s-early 90s or have access to Netflix, you know the impact of A Different World, the show that gave many of us our first impression of Black students in college. For better or worse, Hillman College shaped our...
Momma had a policy she utilized to teach us (and other folks) to respect her and to understand what behavior would and would not be tolerated–the Get Jacked Up Where You Act Up Act of 1979. I wasn’t around for the comment period on those...
Summer after 8th grade year, something happened… That’s why we don’t like the heat where I’m from. Praying the groundhog always sees his shadow so we stave off sunny days just a bit longer. Everybody knows what happens when God brings that heat so if...
I have never actively celebrated Kwanzaa but through my circle of friends, I was well aware that today, the second day of Kwanzaa, was dedicated to the principle of Kujichagulia (Self-Determination) which is the defining and naming of, creating and speaking for, ourselves. As a...
“When you make pain look this good it never wears out.” Mara Brock Akil has long been known for her beautifully and brutally honest depictions of Black female life. Her hit show Girlfriends gave us a glimpse of what it is like to live life...
I got to facilitate this year’s Diversity Project retreat. Our theme this year was The Adversity of Living Black, Brown and Othered in The U.S.A. The scholars were challeneged to examine systemic privilege and oppression, social determinants, and activism. They also conducted a mock trial and prepared skits...
My brother is dead I don’t say that too often Not even inside of my own head Where there are no faces of pity No one thinking she must be pretty Messed up There she stands all dressed up While inside She must be dying...
Life Behind the Veil just wrapped up a year-long workshop series with Lincoln College. The series, “They Told You To Go To College, Now What?” was designed to decrease risk factors/increase protective factors that impact retention with a focus on students of color, women...
Rewind “You bet not come home without a pack of cigarettes.” I was about 14 when my aunt uttered those words as I left the family compound on the Southside of Chicago. Admittedly, I didn’t give much thought to what she said at that moment....
This week’s episode of Being Mary Jane circled back to a topic the title character wanted to explore in the first episode—ugly Black women. More specifically Mary Jane wanted to address a 2011 Psychology Today article that attempted to show that Black women were scientifically...
Track 1 of the series Feelin’ Myself: Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj on Sexuality, Agency, [M]othering, Identity and Millennial Feminism Feminist– The person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes. ~Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Black feminist thought takes many forms including writing, music,...
“In honor of Women’s History Month and the UN Declaration of 2015 as the start of the International Decade for People of African Descent, please join AAPF, The Lawyer’s Committee for Civil Rights Under Law, The National Organization for Women, Institute for Women’s Policy Research, Black Women’s Blueprint,...
Intro Hip-Hop culture has long served as a medium for counter discourse, providing a voice for groups and individuals who are often marginalized within mainstream culture and media. In this tradition, women in Hip-Hop utilize the platform to bring awareness to intersectional experiences and issues...
Play “That low pro hoe she’ll be cut like a afro […] but I know she’s a loser […] Me and the crew used to do her.” Bell Biv Devoe “B****** ain’t sh*t but hoes and tricks.” Snoop Dogg “Put a Molly all up in...
I recently thought about explaining womanism (feminism) to my toddler niece. Given her age, I would probably say something like, “Feminism means that girls can do anything boys can do.” Of course when she’s older we’ll have more in-depth discussions about intersectionality and the role...
During the course of my law school application process in my senior year of undergrad, the interviewer at a top-tiered law program asked, “If you could identify one song as the soundtrack of your life, what would it be?” *Cue music* I’m a survivor I’m...
I wrote a piece on ForHarriet.com the other day on domestic violence and colorism. In short, I questioned whether the skin tone of victims played a role in the community’s response to, and lack of social sanctions (within the Black community) against, perpetrators of domestic...
(Re)Teaching Trayvon Martin: Education for Racial Justice and Human Freedom Edited by Venus E. Evans-Winters and Magaela C. Bethune, “this edited volume a collection of essays that address the relationship between racial violence, media, the criminal justice system, and education. ” Yours truly is...
The joy of life consists in the exercise of one’s energies, continual growth, constant change, the enjoyment of every new experience.
As a speaker and facilitator, I know all too well the importance of using technology to meet people where they are. Today’s world is electronic. Historically, access to computers and other such devices were limited to those of higher socioeconomic classes. Times have changed and...
Had the amazing pleasure of delivering the kickoff keynote for #ECET2Chicago
He said all the right words. He looked contrite in all the right places. His word were prepared very carefully and he takes ownership. He even personalized it (I had correctly guessed from his original comments that he had some form of bystander trauma to...
Last month, over 200 Black men penned an open letter to President Barack Obama to express their concerns on the exclusion of Black girls and women from the My Brother’s Keeper Initiative (MBK). In solidarity, 200+ Black Men, including Rev. James M. Lawson, Danny Glover...
Cult classic films Boyz in the Hood, Juice and Menace II Society have been both praised and criticized for their depictions of Black male experiences. In all of those films, women occupy little more than space fillers. Shalika is just the ghetto girl who banters with...
Defeating France’s top seeded player, Taylor Townsend just became the youngest player to advance to the 3rd round of the U.S. Open in the last 5 years. Townsend’s success on the tennis court opens the door to many discussions about Black girls and more specifically...
Phenomenal Remix Other women often wonder just what it is I don’t have what they call a fantastic body Hell, I’ve had three kids When I attempt to explain it They see no truth in my word See it’s only those who listen Who have...
As an advocate for survivors of sexual and domestic violence, cases of such violence in the news usually catch my attention. Recently, there seems to be a considerable number of cases involving Black male celebrity perpetrators. The Game, The Dream, Columbus Short and Michael Jace...
I went natural because of the possibility that relaxers contributed to fibroids. The start of my journey was about my physical health. That said, the big chop was a moment of liberation I’ve sought to recreate in a subsequent big chop and two natural hair...
There is much to be said about the fact that Eminem has sold millions of autobiographical albums regaling his often-violent views and behaviors towards women. Less talked about are the women on the other end of such violent attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. Those voices are...
I’m not going to claim or accept a Black female monopoly on violence. Long before any housewife in Atlanta made a television debut, women of other races were engaging in violent acts on reality tv. The nature of this phenomenon rests in the culture of...
Sexual assault and domestic violence are issues faced by girls and women of all racial and ethnic backgrounds. Still, Black girls and women are disproportionately more likely to experience both forms of violence.[i] The Department of Justice estimates that for every Black female who reports...
Olivia Pope once held a golden ticket to safety in the event of Armageddon. No less than 3 men have professed their love for her in the last season alone. Pope has a ride or die crew that would give their lives for her (Gladiators,...
1991 “This is a circus, it’s a national disgrace. And from my standpoint, as a black American, it is high-tech lynching for uppity blacks.” “I will not provide the rope for my own lynching or for further humiliation.” With those declarations, Clarence Thomas would help...
Read an online article that addresses male privilege, white privilege, or anything of the sort and you will likely find a comment board littered with defensive comments from the group identified as having privilege. As the targeted parties often have less experience engaging the subject...
Stopped over at Alliedthought.com to discuss the role of Black men in the Rape/Race movement. Check out the piece here
Last week, a group of San Diego students from Scripps Ranch High School were suspended when a video surfaced which featured the students twerking.[1] The video was both recorded and edited on school grounds using school property. The edited video featured the girls (almost...
I facilitated a couple of diversity workshops yesterday (8th grade students). While I typically work with young girls, the groups were predominately male (one group was all male). One of the young men made this for me. I can’t really describe all of the emotions...
Language is powerful. So much so that many underprivileged and underrepresented groups (i.e. people of color, women) have ceased using terms like “minority” because of the necessarily negative connotations. Usage of “minority” when applied to certain groups makes even less sense when you consider that...
This weekend, Life Behind the Veil partnered with Girls Scouts of Central IL. We had an amazing session on perceptions of beauty and body image! Check out a few pics from the day.
This weekend I had the pleasure of facilitating a weekend of workshops for the McLean County Diversity Project. 24 Scholars examined diversity, inclusion and workplace discrimination through a series of activities, dialogue and lecture. We explored racism, sexism, ageism, heterosexism, ableism and classism through an...
It is always motivating and refreshing to be surrounded by others doing the work of intersectionality. This weekend I had the intellectual pleasure of attending the Thinking Intersectionality Symposium at Michigan State University. Put together by Dr. Kirstie Dotson, symposium speakers included Patricia Hill Collins, Kimberlé Crenshaw...
So what? You wear your hair natural. Now, add darker skin to that. Add a different physique. How much harder do you think things would be for you? You’ve been acting like there is an equal playing field even among people who occupy the same...
We’ve been here before, most recently in the case of Gabrielle Douglas and most often with First Lady Michelle Obama. And now, Quvenzhanè Wallis. Those extraordinary Black females must be identified as something other than women and girls. So they name them. They shame them....
The topic of hair is such a potent one. It’s political, social, cultural, sexual, and, above all, very personal and emotional.”Kim Wayans In the preceding quote, Kim Wayans succinctly captures why curlies all over the world have been waiting for Better Than Good Hair by...
1) Spending upwards of $300 to have JH, H&R Block or other big name tax preparer file your returns because a) you want to get a Refund Anticipation Loan (RAL) b) you don’t realize they base their filing fee off the amount of your return....
It’s not supposed to happen here. I mean, that is why we move away from the city. So our boys will be safe. So gunshots become distant notions of things past. So my children don’t have to know what it’s like to mourn someone your...
This time there were no flags flown at half-mast. No Presidential press conferences held while the President and the nation forced back tears. You will not be inundated with days of news coverage designed to make sure you know that these victims are human beings,...
Newark Mayor Cory Booker’s food stamp challenge has inevitably brought out those who seek to portray most public assistance recipients as welfare queens and drug addicts who abuse the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP).* Despite those critics, Booker’s challenge has made a positive impact with...
The looming fiscal cliff could result in the average family paying approximately $2,000 more in taxes (projections are anywhere from $1,500-$3,000). So what can the average family do with $2,000? Quite a bit it seems. I put together a list of just how far $2,000...
A Nigerian child is cradled by arms That may not be there tomorrow And in the years that follow She’ll be joined by millions Of others Whose mothers Traded a virus For school supplies For tools to end her baby’s hunger cries Numeric distortions Give...
We call it home. I think people forget that. But somewhere in the midst of all the violence, there is a community. A collective of mothers who trade babysitting services to avoid the cost of childcare. A neighborhood of people you’ve known all your life,...
I recently wrote about America’s Obsession with Black Female Identities. Ronald Reagan, Mitt Romney, Lupe Fiasco and Shonda Rhimes were among those I examined to explore the various identities created for Black women. The article, shared at Curlynikki.com, drew comments from readers who thought I...
“I don’t see color” So many things run through one’s head upon hearing the declaration above whether it is the first or the 20th time you have heard it. I considered how to respond. Checking my Claire Huxtable style neck roll, I calmly stated that an...
The City Never Sleeps and apparently neither does A.D. Carson. With his second book in as many years, Carson delivers a text even more inclusive, transparent and raw than his first book, COLD, A Novel by A.D. Carson. If COLD was illustrative of Carson’s attempt...
Rewind. In 1976, Ronald Reagan did what many politicians do when giving anecdotal support of his/her platform—he made stuff up. She has eighty names, thirty addresses, twelve Social Security cards and is collecting veteran’s benefits on four non-existing deceased husbands. And she is collecting...
They stood in line for hours. Blogged. Tweeted. Shared political cartoons via Facebook. Held debate watch parties. Conversed in barbershops, restaurants, and on the streets. Translated verbosely worded initiatives into layman’s terms. Carpooled to the polls. In many ways, voters showed up to the event...
Admittedly, when I read the first reports of Sharmeka Moffitt’s case, I thought of another case. I even noted such by saying, “for some reason, this makes me think of Tawana Brawley.” For those unfamiliar with the Brawley case, she was a 15 year-old Black...
“I mean, what’s the big deal?” With one simple sentence, my male friend seemingly dismissed centuries of politics behind “the big deal” of Black women wearing their natural hair. My first response was emotional. “Clearly you’ve never stood in a mirror with a t-shirt/towel draped...
Things have changed for all of us. Some are married. Some have children. Sadly, a few of us have lost siblings to street violence (Eric, Keisha and Junnie will never be forgotten). Some have moved away from our hometown. Still, we’re bound together in ways...
Quite frankly, I blame Michelle Obama. Here we have a First Lady of the United States of America (code name Renaissance) who dared show the world that Black women are comfortable in their own skin. She didn’t fit into any of the socially constructed identities...
The Veil is the intersection. Life Behind the Veil is about the people who live there– the shared experiences of Black women and girls navigating our identities at the core of the intersections of race, sex, sexuality, class and more. The Veil is a space for Black women and girls to define ourselves for ourselves, living as we were born to— freely. All of our lived experiences are worthy of exploration and interpretation. By us. The Veil is a conversation. Let’s rap.
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