My brother is dead
I don’t say that too often
Not even inside of my own head
Where there are no faces of pity
No one thinking she must be pretty
Messed up
There she stands all dressed up
While inside
She must be dying
All the while
I keep trying
To keep my game face on
Ups, downs
I got the same face on
After all
I am superwoman
Watch me fly
Without wings
While the caged bird sings
I soar
Through closed doors
And emotional road blocks
Life don’t stop
But sometimes
It does get real slow
And then
Like poetic flow
It switches up
Quickens up
The plot
Thickens up
Getting up
Requires being down
And rock bottom
Is seeing your twin in a coffin
Who do you talk to
When you’re this mad
At God
I know you
Walk through
My shoes
And those blues
Hurt like hell
They say I held up well
At his funeral
Inside
I was a basket case
Pictured throwing myself into the casket
But there were two sets of brown eyes
Looking up at me
They just lost their uncle
All they had left is me
So I pushed on
For my babies
I’d be lying if I said that road was easy
I cried
Till dry eyes
Couldn’t produce a tear
Went to bed one day
Didn’t get up for a year
Depressed?
I was paralyzed
Each time I picked up the phone
Forced to realize
I could dial a million times
And still
Eric
Couldn’t answer me
It seemed
Even God
Wouldn’t answer me
Why?
I know I’m not supposed to question
Decisions You make
But surely Lord
This time
You’ve made a mistake
You’re supposed to see everything
And yet somehow
You missed this
Fix this
Please
Bring my brother back
So I can be whole again
Without my twin
I’m lost
I measure time
By my son’s age
His birth and my brother’s death
Separated by a few days
It’s been 18 years now
So I know your biggest fear now
Is that this pain
Won’t ever really stop
But sometimes
Like poetic flow
It does get real slow