Losing Lois: If My Grandmother Had Roe v. Wade, I’d Still Have My Grandmother

Winter, 1965

Seemed like there was a river of blood. But since it was just her in the bathtub in the bathroom, the source had to be her alone. Maybe for the better. In the current of red it was harder to see whether everything had passed already. Her insides felt like something had to be making its way out. Hurt more than cramps but she supposed X had just said it wouldn’t hurt much to make her less afraid about a choice she ain’t really have. She already had two mouths to feed and her youngest was still in diapers. There was just so much blood.

“Momma, I’m hungry.”

Lois hadn’t even realized her oldest baby had come into the bathroom.

“Alicia, go downstairs and tell your aunt Evelyn to fix you a sandwich.”

By the time Alicia came back upstairs, Lois had gathered enough strength to lift herself out the tub. The blood seemed like it was pouring out of her. X didn’t say there would be this much. Dizzy, she grabbed a towel and pushed it between her legs.  

“Auntie Evelyn said her throat hurt and she can’t make me no—”

“Go tell your auntie Pee-Wee to come here.”

Alicia stood frozen staring at the red towel. Lois mustered all the firmness she could in her weakened state.

“Licia, go get Pee-Wee!”

Scared, Alicia ran as fast as her 4 year-old legs would let her.

“My momma don’t feel good. She don’t feel good.”

Before Alicia made it down the stairs, Pee-Wee thought she heard somebody calling her name.

“Is that Lois?”

“My momma don’t feel good.”

Pee-Wee ran up the stairs but stopped cold at the sight of the tub full of bloody towels before her eyes finally came to rest on her sister.

“Lois!”

****

Evelyn knew. She could tell by the way momma slumped down in the chair soon as she got home from the hospital. Lois was gone. Momma was still holding her robe. Looked like all the life had left momma too.